A Grudge?

Ever since January 8, 2010, my life has been separated into two time periods...before Zavier and after Zavier. Before Zavier passed away, and after Zavier passed away.

It wasn't long before Zavier was brought into this world, that I had discovered what it truly meant to be a follower of Christ. I was on fire for God when our world came crashing down.

I love God with all my heart and am still on fire for Him. But it's like I love Him just a little more when I think of our life "before Zavier" (before Zavier died). Every worship song that once brought tears to my eyes no longer has the same effect when I am thinking about our lives "after Zavier". It's like I have a grudge against our great God. A grudge that I don't want to have, a grudge that I want so badly to let go of.

One day I want to experience the tears of thankfulness, complete thankfulness, that once came so easily.

"Make thankfulness your sacrifice to God..." Psalm 50:14