Lesson #23

It's easy...it's actually too easy. Too easy to lose sight of God. It's easy to become caught up in this world. It's probably the easiest thing to do. It's also easy to get caught up and not even recognize it. Especially when that's exactly what the devil wants you to do.

Put into practice what you believe...everything else is just religious talk. That's what I heard in church today. Short and to the point, but definitely not easy. This is exactly what God wants us to do...believe His word and not only believe it but more importantly practice it.

Lesson #22

How does it feel? I think that line is from a song, but I can't place it and it's been in my head all day...but it's my theme for this post.

How does it feel to long for something you can't have or haven't gotten just yet? How does it feel to face obstacle after obstacle? Or even just one obstacle?

I wonder how those people who have "everything" feel. What is everything anyway? God certainly prepared me a bit for 2010.

"...if we are to share His glory, we must also share His suffering." Romans 8:17

Lesson #21

Lesson #21: Anxiety - I started having anxiety when I was teacher (yes, a teacher...for a very SHORT period in my life :)). It is now more of a repressed memory :p Although in retrospect it was a good life experience, during that time I felt awful, physically and mentally. I literally made myself sick with anxiety. Once I "retired" from teaching, I learned to let go a little bit. I learned to accept that I couldn't be perfect. I learned to not fight things beyond my control. But I still had some anxiety in the next few jobs I had. Mostly, it was an extremely uncomfortable, constant feeling in my chest.

I've learned to get rid of my anxiety. Here is my secret on how to get rid of it...wait for it...

GOD. The secret is God. It's really amazing how even when I am stressed at work...that I no longer have the anxiety attacks. It's actually an awesome feeling to not have the anxiety. This is not to say that I don't have bad days...this I do, but it's different when you don't feel like your chest is going to explode. I've learned that no matter how much you want to do things your way - you are not in control - God is.

Throughout 2010 (and it's only the beginning) I have gone through soooo many emotions, even on a daily basis...but what hasn't returned is my anxiety. Knowing that God is in control of my life brings a peace to me; a comforting peace.

"...if the Holy Spirit controls your mind, there is life and peace." Romans 8:6

Today

This is not exactly a lesson...or perhaps it is...I can't decide.

Today, I was in need of a little spiritual motivation. So while at my sister's house, I was listening to Jeremy Camp's song, There Will Be A Day. Here are the lyrics:

"I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that trys to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,
that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we'll hold on to you always
I know the journey seems so long
You feel youre walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where youve walked out all alone

Troubled soul dont lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty thats in store
Outweighs the hurt of lifes sting

I cant wait until that day where the very one Ive lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that Ive faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery this is why this is why I sing"

Me and Erica were in the living room while the song played and Juliana was at the kitchen table. During the song, Juliana says "I wish that day was here already." Now, I've always known she listens to everything we say :) But wasn't really aware that she listens to EVERYTHING.

She is definitely aware of all that is happening, perhaps kids usually are. But I am glad that she knows "there will be a day".

Lesson #20

Lesson #20: Isn't it funny?

Isn't it funny how sometimes we can never see the things that are right in front of us? This weekend our church service was about faith. Mark Shook, our pastor, said that quite often people say to him that God is now working in their lives.

Isn't it funny how we never noticed God before? For me, I always thought that my successes were because I was a goal-oriented, self-sufficient, determined person. All attributes which can lead to failures (as my experiences has proven). Anything I set my mind to...considered it done. Easy. There was nothing too difficult for "me" to do. Isn't it funny that I thought it was by my power? Sure, I thanked God and acknowledged Him every now and then. But I truly believed it was all me. By my power and my strength...

Isn't it funny that it was never really me? God has blessed me throughout my entire life whether I previously recognized it or not. He has blessed me continuously without fail with great family, friends, health, jobs...opportunities.

Interestingly enough, I had the following verse on a note card on top of my dresser for several months:

"You will not succeed by your own strength and power, but by My Spirit, says the Lord". - Zechariah 4:6

A while back I was contemplating whether I should quit "not" drinking anymore. I was trying to rationalize that I was strong enough to now drink moderately. Then, I realized that I had the answer right in front of me for so long...I will not succeed by my own strength and power, but by His Spirit.

Isn't if funny how we start to see things?

Lesson 19

Lesson 19: Drinking - I consider myself fairly well versed in this topic. Where do I even start? In 2008 before I moved to Houston, I drank alot. Almost every day; it was something I needed to have. My stress relief - to forget about my problems and enjoy myself...because you only live once, right? I'd join my friends for "happy hour" and it'd turn out to be "happy night". For me, drinking had no limits; I didn't believe in moderation...I was an "all or nothing" kind of person and I guess you can say that I still am.

Drinking is not wrong, Jesus did it. But it's the choices that you make while drinking that could lead you down the wrong path.

Drinking became a habit, my routine. After work I needed to have a drink. Sometimes happy hour would turn into a night by myself at my apartment. But many nights it was with friends. I talked a big game...about how I could drink alot and could handle it (which sounds funny to me now). Once even my best friend and I had a tequila shot competition one afternoon - just to see who could drink more.

Here's one of my favorite verses from Isaiah 5:22 "What sorrow for those who are heroes at drinking wine and boast about all the alcohol they can hold." It's like that was written for me!

Once I started a real relationship with God, I found that getting a buzz off Jesus was way better than getting a buzz off alcohol. Drinking costs money, causes weight gain, and gives you a hangover. Jesus on the other hand is free, does not cause weight gain, AND you will never have a hangover...you can get a buzz off Jesus all day long if you want!

My desire for alcohol has changed...for the most part. Quite honestly, I've been thinking about it lately. Mostly, because I am sad. I know that's never the answer to anything. I will give my weakness to God. It's by His power and Spirit, after all, that we succeed.

Lesson #18

Lesson 18: I used to think that if you were a relatively good person...relatively good things would happen to you. And if you were a bad person, well, bad things would be more likely happen to you. Obviously, I learned as I got older that this is not true at all. You can be a great person and have bad things happen (which I have mentioned previously in one of my earlier posts).

My first experience with a good person having something bad in their life was Sam's mom, Armandina Andrade. She was the nicest person I had ever met; she always made you feel like the most important person, and could make anybody smile. She and Sam's dad raised their kids very well, she was an educator for 30+ years, a devout Methodist, a follower of God. She fought long and hard during her battle with stage 4 colon cancer. I remember she would always say that the doctors were wrong because she felt fine. God was working in her and through her, we all saw this. Back in 2002, the doctors told the family that she had less than one year to live and that they should put her in Hospice. She didn't want that...she miraculously defeated the odds that she was given...she was convinced that she was just not ready to give up. She lived 5 more years after that. She was an incredible lady who inspired all those around her. She was a teacher, a P.E. coach, special education teacher, and a diagnostician...she touched hundreds of lives, if not more. Not one ounce of badness in her. Yet she was put through a trying time (to say the least); she remained strong, positive, and always, always kept her faith.

I've heard that if you think positive, positive things happen to you. That leads me (or led me) to believe that bad things shouldn't happen to good people who think positively. That's not the way it quite works.

The Bible says this: Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink, He will still be with you to teach you. You will see your teacher with your own eyes. Your own ears will hear Him. Right behind you a voice will say, "This is the right way you should go," whether to the right or to the left. - Isaiah 30:20-21

Even though we experience adversity and suffering in our lives, God is still here for us and teaching us.

Lesson #17

Lesson #17: Time heals all things. I've heard this many times in the past month. While I know people believe this, I respectfully disagree.

To me, time does not heal all things. Time does not heal emotional wounds. Physical wounds, sure. Physical wounds get bandaged up and over time the pain (usually) completely goes away. But I don't think emotional wounds. I believe that God heals all things. It is in "God's" timing, that wounds are healed.

This is more of an observation than a lesson.

"I am above all things; your problems, your pain, and the swirling events in this ever-changing world. I guarantee that you will always have problems in this life, but they must not become your focus. When you feel yourself sinking in the sea of circumstances, say "Help me, Jesus" and I will draw you back to Me. If you have to say that thousands of times daily, don't be discouraged. I know your weakness, and I meet you in that very place.
- Jesus Calling, Sarah Young

For me, it's not necessarily only about time, but God's timing.

Lesson #16

Lesson #16: A strange lesson tonight - I'm hoping it comes out making some kind of sense; we'll see, I guess.

As a kid, a "middle child" kid, I was mean - mean to my sister and brothers. And maybe not even mean but cruel. I don't really know why I'm mentioning this but...so fast-forward towards my college years and beyond. I thought of myself as a very self-sufficient person, if I needed to get something done I typically would. I didn't need anyone's help. So, I expected others to not need my help. If I could do something, I thought everyone else could, too. I was a nice person BUT I didn't want people to know this about me. When I say people I particularly mean my family and close friends. I think I didn't like people having expectations of me. So if I never gave them a reason to think I was a certain way (nice)...I didn't have to meet anyone's expectations. It was like I had a reputation to uphold. It sounds crazy, I know!

Now...not so much. I don't have a reputation to uphold. It doesn't matter what people think or don't think about me. It's about what God thinks of me. It's about depending on God. God has blessed me with amazing family and friends. And just right before God took Zavier from us, I started realizing that. I like the way the Beatles put it:

"When I was younger so much younger than today
I never needed anybody's help in any way
And now these days are gone
I'm not so self assured
Now I find I've changed my mind
I´ve opened up the doors"

I am all for help - God's help and help from those that He places in my life.

Lesson #15

Lesson #15: Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires. -Psalm 37:4

I have the privilege to say that I have experienced this first hand. Before coming into a real relationship with God, I pretty much lived for myself. Now, I live for God. Psalm 37:4 became one of my favorite verses just last year when I started reading the Bible. A few months after that, Sam and I went to his parents' house and as I walked in the door, I saw Psalm 37:4 on the vanity in the hallway. What?!?! Why had I not ever noticed this before?? It had been there for probably the 9 previous years I had been there, and I had never noticed. It's funny what you begin to notice once your heart starts to change.

The cool thing about God giving you your heart's desires is that your heart will start to desire what God wants for you. Here are some changes that happened...some changes that God made...

1. He changed my desire to need and want alcohol. I once "had" to have it, and it's not like I could moderately drink...it was either no alcohol or too many to count. It was my stress relief. Drinking is not wrong, but I can honestly say that I have no desire to drink.

2. He changed my desire of my music interests. I was at a concert not too long ago, and felt out of place...lots of people worshipping one regular guy who could sing. I felt like I wanted to be worshipping God. Soon after, we went to our first Christian concert and we are going to see Casting Crowns in March :)

3. He changed my desire to be self-centered. Although I still am, that's not really what I want. My desire is to one day be selfless like so many people I know.

4. He changed my desire to cuss. I used to think cussing was cool, a form of expression; not so much any more :) I am fairly ok at not cussing.

5. He changed my desire of not caring. Not caring about Him, for others, and even for myself for that matter. Although we do have only one life to live, I want to live it on His terms, not mine.

I was able to share a bit of my story with my church family, Community of Faith and would like to share it with you. My blogging skills are not the best, so I don't know how to insert a hyperlink, but if you go to www.communityoffaith.tv and click play on the video on the home page, you will see the story that I have been able to share with others.

Lesson #14

Lesson #14: Love is a gift not an obligation. I heard this earlier tonight and thought "that is the difference in my life now". In past years, I always felt obligated to do things for my family.

For example, when Sam and I were married in the early years, I found myself feeling obligated to do things. Since I loved him, I was "obligated". I'd say for a long time, I probably did equate love to obligation. I dwelled on these obligations and it made me a very unhappy person. I hated doing things that I was "obligated" to do. I was so anti-doing simple things that Sam asked of me. I was so "anti" that I made sure never to ask him for anything because I could do it all on my own. Sad but true. He always wanted to help me, but I never wanted his help.

Now, all those really small things that I hated doing before...are so simple now, AND I actually like doing them. Love is a gift not an obligation.

Even with my family, I usually had a "reason" as to why I couldn't make family events, and if I went...it was my obligation. Now, I love and enjoy being with my family. And WANT to be at family events. Love is a gift not an obligation.

"Three things will last forever - faith, hope, and love - and the greatest of these is love." Corinthians 13:13

Lesson #13

Lesson #13: kairos - a moment of undetermined period of time in which something special happens. In 2009, I had many "kairos" moments.

I learned this word at COF during the Defining Moment series. It was during this time that I was determined to have a "defining" 2009. With God on my side, I did, indeed, have a defining year. In 2009, I did a lot of talking and listening to God, and many times just trying to figure out what He was telling me. Sometimes, it's just not very clear.

But I want to share with you what I feel like I need to go back to Him at this very moment for - it's a simple statement with a lot of meaning, "I Need You." I have heard this COF song many times in the past year. I need to focus in on the lyrics sung in this song (copy and paste link on your browser to listen)..."I just can't do it on my own, I just can't do it anymore, knowing that in You there's more...so come show Your presence, Lord...I need You."

http://communityoffaith.lightcastmedia.com/console/3150/1249264769

"Sometimes, I feel alone; I need to hear Your voice whisper strength to me; and help me make a choice to fall down on my face and say the truth I know; your grace will set me free if only I let go."

This one song helped me realize my kairos moments; helped me make choices; helped me realize that "I just can't do it on my own".