Lesson #16

Lesson #16: A strange lesson tonight - I'm hoping it comes out making some kind of sense; we'll see, I guess.

As a kid, a "middle child" kid, I was mean - mean to my sister and brothers. And maybe not even mean but cruel. I don't really know why I'm mentioning this but...so fast-forward towards my college years and beyond. I thought of myself as a very self-sufficient person, if I needed to get something done I typically would. I didn't need anyone's help. So, I expected others to not need my help. If I could do something, I thought everyone else could, too. I was a nice person BUT I didn't want people to know this about me. When I say people I particularly mean my family and close friends. I think I didn't like people having expectations of me. So if I never gave them a reason to think I was a certain way (nice)...I didn't have to meet anyone's expectations. It was like I had a reputation to uphold. It sounds crazy, I know!

Now...not so much. I don't have a reputation to uphold. It doesn't matter what people think or don't think about me. It's about what God thinks of me. It's about depending on God. God has blessed me with amazing family and friends. And just right before God took Zavier from us, I started realizing that. I like the way the Beatles put it:

"When I was younger so much younger than today
I never needed anybody's help in any way
And now these days are gone
I'm not so self assured
Now I find I've changed my mind
I´ve opened up the doors"

I am all for help - God's help and help from those that He places in my life.